Proverbs 29:11-Wise and Foolish Conversations

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We live in “The Age of Rage,” where just one statement on Social Media can spark a wildfire of venomous hatred and cancellation. Living in the age of technological instant gratification allows us to give our “hot take” on the topic of the moment. However, do we ever question the wisdom of giving someone a piece of our mind?

The Book of Proverbs provides us a path on how to live a life of devotion and wisdom. Solomon and the other writers of Proverbs make their points by contrasting the actions of the fool and the wise man. For instance, let’s examine Proverbs 29:11.

“A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterward.” (Proverbs 29:11, KJV).

This verse states that the fool does not hold back when giving in to his thoughts or emotions, while the wise man holds back. If someone is making a grave mistake or is in danger, then yes, we should speak the truth and speak up. We should always speak truth at the appropriate time and not be so concerned about “winning” the argument. We must be careful about speaking out in anger or allowing our emotions control us. Words can’t be taken back. We must exercise self-control and not be so quick to respond to what we hear and see. Let’s get all the facts.

“Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is in the midst of fools is made known.” (Proverbs 14:33, KJV).

Before we engage with someone, we must ask ourselves, “Is this a productive use of my time?” If you are responding to a post on Social Media, I would argue the answer is no. We must not allow ourselves to be roped into pointless arguments that will not change anyone’s mind.

“Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.” (Proverbs 26:4, KJV).

As we go forward, let’s so wisdom and discretion in picking our battles. Be careful in choosing the proverbial hill you want “to die on.”

The Greek philosopher Plato agreed with The Bible when he said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.”

God bless you.

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The Danger of “ist” Words

According to the website Lots of Words.com, 5,262 words in the English language end in “ist.” Although I won’t go through every word on the list for time and space constraints (not to mention the ensuing boredom), but I do find word studies interesting.

A good portion of “ist” words describe an occupation or a set of beliefs. We have such occupations as typist, oncologist, therapist, or someone can be a specialist in a chosen field. A person can also be a Buddhist, Taoist, or if you are a fan of Ancient Aliens, an “ancient astronaut theorist.”

However, in today’s hyper-political American culture, there are some “ist” words which have become pejoratives, a verbal grenade to destroy the other person’s worldview. It seems gone are the days of rational discussion, whereas the new goal is to crush your opposition. The use of these words have become so common, many people don’t understand the gravity of calling someone the said word.

Words such as racist, atheist, Socialist, Communist, fundamentalist, feminist, misogynist, elitist, globalist, capitalist, fascist, ageist, etc, are often lobbied at people we simply disagree with as an effort to dismiss or belittle what someone has to say. If someone disagrees with you, that doesn’t automatically make them a bad person. I believe we should make an effort to go beyond the talking points espoused on Social Media, cable and network news, talk radio and the like. Make an effort to have a civilized conversation with someone, even you disagree with them. I consider myself to be politically independent, yet I can have political discussions with conservatives and liberals and not resort to name calling.

I am against all forms of discrimination and oppression. We must call out discrimination and oppression when we see it. We must speak for those who can’t speak for themselves. I believe we must follow the example of Jesus, who “reached across the aisle” in His day. He spoke with Samaritans and Gentiles, elevated the status of women, fed the hungry, cared for the sick, and called out hypocrisy and injustice when He saw it. Above all, we must get back to the place where we can show Christian love and kindness to everyone around us. If everybody stays in their echo chambers, nothing will be done, and we will be driven further apart.

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

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Thousands of thoughts course through our minds each and every day. Some thoughts can be routine, such as What am I going to eat for lunch? or I need to get the car in for an oil change. However, thoughts can be a destructive force when dwell upon the negative, the resentful, and the angry.

I’ll never be successful.

How can anybody love me?

I’m a failure.

How could she do that to me?

I’ll never forgive myself/him/her.

The list goes on and on.

Have you ever found yourself in a thought cycle of negativity? How did you respond? If you suffer from a mental illness such as depression or anxiety, does negativity thinking make it worse? The truth be told, you didn’t gain anything from the negative thoughts other than the loss of an opportunity to enjoy life.

The more you look around the more you notice how society gears us toward the negative. The continuous negativity of the news cycle, the gritty and violent nature of popular entertainment, and even religion, which tells us we are all fundamentally flawed, in combination with our own life circumstances overwhelms us into thinking we will never crawl out of this mental and spiritual abyss.

As a Christian and as someone who lives with depression, anxiety, and multiple chronic illnesses, I find my thoughts swirling down the drain so to speak. I have dealt with thoughts of resentment and anger over circumstances while I fumed at myself for putting myself into that situation. I believe Christ has forgiven me of my sins, but I have a hard time letting go of my mistakes.  My inability to forgive myself is my thought struggle. What’s yours? So, what are some practical ways that we can overcome these constant negative thoughts?

Eliminate the “Woulda, Shoulda, Couldas”

As the cliche goes, “Hindsight is twenty twenty.” Ah,the past. “If I know then what I know now, I would have done this.” “I should’ve seen this coming.” “I could have done it differently. We must understand the past is gone. We can’t do anything about it. Doc Brown and his DeLorean aren’t showing up, neither is Doctor Who and the Tardis. We have to cut ourselves some slack here. We made a decision based on the information we had at the time. If we had different information, yes, we probably would have chosen differently, but that’s not the case. We can only go forward from here.

Focus on what you can control

We can’t pick our circumstances. We can’t manipulate people into doing the right thing according to us. We had no control over the country or family into which we were born. The only thing we can choose is how we respond to the events around us. Our responses can help determine how we overcome the obstacles we face. The best way to dealing with events is to look at what is directly in our control and don’t worry about what is not in our control.

Temper your expectations

There are things in life we just expect or assume to be true. For example, we may believe that life should always treat us fairly. We may believe that people should always do the right thing. We may think that if we dedicate our lives to God, then our lives should be free from pain and suffering. If you have lived for any significant amount of time, we know that we cannot live by these assumptions. Life is not fair. People can’t be counted on to do the right thing because some people’s ideas of right and wrong are different from yours. Finally, following God does not guarantee a bed of roses. Jesus said to take up your cross, not exactly an east feat. Tempering your expectations does not mean to walk around hopeless and cynical, but be realistic in how you view the world and people. If we understand that the best laid plans can go awry, then we are better prepared to handle problems as they arise.

This is not a complete list by far, but I hope this helps you throughout your day. God bless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anger

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By Michael W. Raley

My anger, like the sun,

Rises slowly over the horizon

Penetrating the inner darkness.

No matter the situation,

The anger goads me,

Asking accusing question after accusing question

Until I respond in rage

And say what I’ve been hiding under the surface.

I know it’s not right and that I am better than this,

Yet, I pacify the anger instead of putting it away.

I have only so many cheeks to turn

And only so much humble pie I can eat.

No matter how hard I try,

No matter how much I pray,

No matter how much I change,

The anger grows back like a weed

And I am back to square one.

What are You going to do about it?

I’ve spent a lot of my life being angry- at myself, the condition of the world, unanswered prayers, disappointment, poor stress management, and seemingly hopeless situations. Anger is also a by-product and symptom of such things as depression, grief, illness, trauma, and the everyday frustrations of being an adult.

Anger is viewed as a destructive force which will eat away at us and rob us of any joy, as these quotes testifty:

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”-Buddha.

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“When anger arises, think of the consequences.” -Confucius.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain.

When our anger becomes apparent to those around us, the question becomes Why are you so angry?

Sometimes we’ll spout off some surface answer, such as:

“I hate my job.”

“My boss is a jerk.”

“My kids won’t act right.”

“Politician X or party Y are ruining this country.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to pay these bills.”

“I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

However, what if in our attempt to figure out the cause of our anger, we are asking the wrong question? What if instead of asking, “Why am I angry?” we should ask ourselves, “You’re angry, now, what are you going to do about it?

***Disclaimer- this question does not imply that you bring harm to yourself or someone else. If that’s the conclusion you come to, then please seek qualified professional help.***

If we can ask ourselves about what we are going to do about the situation, we can reason through the situation. This reasoning can take time, as it depends on how much work someone is willing to go through to resolve the issue.

After asking yourself what are you going to do, ask yourself this question:

Is any part of this situation in my control? If yes, then implent change. If not, then realize the only things you can control are your responses, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and perceptions.

Let’s use the example of the fact you dislike your job and your boss. How can we better handle the situation better and  not be so angry?

-We could be thankful to have a job because some people don’t have jobs.

-We can be emphathetic to our boss because maybe he or she is under a lot of stress.

-If the situation becomes unbearable, we can speak to our boss about the issue. If talking doesn’t resolve it, then we can go to a higher corporate authority.

-We can ask our boss or coworkers if they need help with anything to ease their stress.

-We go to work and focus on our job and not worry about the stress around us.

-We can always search for another job or try to transfer to a different department.

-We could pursue a more fulfilling career.

-We could be in a state of prayerfulness or mindfulness concerning our attitude and responses.

This is just one simplified example, but I believe that any stressful situation is not worth our peace of mind and we must step back to get back on track. If you want to pursue a lifestyle change, then you must put in the time to change. Seek wisdom and find the inspiration within yourself. God bless.